So, all of a sudden my mouse starts acting funky. I can sort of click on things, but I can’t double click. Sometimes when I click, I get a menu, sometimes not. I can’t right click. I can drag things but I can’t drop them. I can’t open stuff with my mouse at all. Some apps seem to work, others don’t respond.

Fine, whatever Mac. You wanna be like that, I’ll restart you and while I do it, I’m gonna think angry thoughts about cheating with Windows.

I restart, same deal.

Now I’m just getting frustrated. I unplug my track pad, turn it off. Same deal. I turn off my wireless mouse. I clean my keyboard (🤷, could be related). I turn off everything. I try using just my laptop trackpad, but it’s doing the exact same thing.

Now I’m getting nervous. I start thinking about rebooting into safe mode, unplugging all my monitors, whatever, really hoping it’s not something Apple needs to fix via snail mail.

But then I have an idea! (yes, these happen… occasionally)

I have a gaming mouse I use sometimes. Maybe it will work. I reach over and pause, only to see it’s already glowing. On it is one of my test devices, an iPad Mini, laying directly on the right mouse button.

My wife used to come home and jokingly complain that I’d sat around all day typing in gibberish into a computer screen. Well, of course it’s gibberish to the uninitiated plebeian. We call it a “language” for a reason. You’ve gotta study and learn the language; you’ve gotta speak it and immerse yourself for the jumble of random characters to magically transform themselves into a document full of meaning and, if you’re really good, perhaps even profundity.

Except that sometimes I stop and stare at the documents I write and think: God, it really does look like gibberish doesn’t it? It doesn’t actually make any sense at all.